Friday, June 29, 2007 | 7:13 PM
its training and then its a sandwich
and not boarding the bus and being depressed the ride home
and then its coming through the gates and taking off my teeshirt
and a swim with the water coming up to my neck and covering my shoulders
so i wont feel cold with the imminent rain and with the wind making the pool water look like
choppy waves
its thinking about forgetting how meaningless life is at the start of each lap
and wondering why my legs feel like cramping every time i kick off
and its wondering why i cant move faster and why the water sounds so ugly
is thinking about how people can drown themselves in a river
is thinking about how it would feel to not breathe submerged underwater
and then its hearing the sun set and seeing lightning streaking
and thinking how would it be like if i died by lightning
is concluding that it would be immense pain
and knowing i am almost immortal and not ready to die
even though life right now is perhaps less than peachy
is not being grateful enough for everything
and thinking that that much is not enough
no not enough right now
and thinking that im perhaps just too tired
too tired to understand why im feeling like this
and too tired to think of why i cant make myself understand
is getting out of the pool before it rains and putting my teeshirt back on
and leaving wet footprints all over the marble and the parquet
and thinking they will dry so it doesnt matter
is mouthing zombie in the shower and singing it real slowly
is switching off the lights and changing
and combing my hair and for once not thinking about the length of my hair
is thinking my eyes are spoiling
is being worried about my nose that has been whacked full on by a ball
is recalling asphyxiation is thinking i wouldnt be pretty if i had a bigger nose
and thinking if i had walked onto the road at the busstop
would i have died or would it just have been something stupid
is telling myself id never drown myself because i hate water going up my nose
and is reading that someone says life is meaningless without God and agreeing
and feeling so far away from God
and is telling a friend that life is meaningless
and having to laugh off the misery im in
is having to ask why do you think my life is great
and knowing exactly why they think so
and somehow not being able to articulate how rotten i am feeling
and laughing
and always laughing
till it doesnt come from inside anymore but becomes a prerequisite for saying something
depressing and something sad and maybe something
honest
is always trying to laugh it off
and always trying to hide
is always trying to shrug it off
and always trying to hide
STOP ME OH OH OH STOP ME
Monday, June 25, 2007 | 1:34 PM
my latest obsession is: Mark Ronson
LIKE OMGAWD SO F-ING HOT! SO F-ING COOL
im gonna buy his album.
for your (my future) viewing pleasure:
Monday, June 25, 2007 | 1:34 PM
my latest obsession is: Mark Ronson
LIKE OMGAWD SO F-ING HOT! SO F-ING COOL
im gonna buy his album.
for your (my future) viewing pleasure:
is this it?
Friday, June 22, 2007 | 1:02 PM
this boring life.
is making me cry.
okay not making me cry exactly but, is such a pain.
i hate this life.
Stop me, oh, stop me
Stop me if you think that you've
Heard this one before
Stop me, oh, stop me
Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before
Nothing's changed
I still love you, oh, I still love you
...Only slightly, only slightly less than I used to, my love
Friday, June 22, 2007 | 1:02 PM
this boring life.
is making me cry.
okay not making me cry exactly but, is such a pain.
i hate this life.
Stop me, oh, stop me
Stop me if you think that you've
Heard this one before
Stop me, oh, stop me
Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before
Nothing's changed
I still love you, oh, I still love you
...Only slightly, only slightly less than I used to, my love
tell me that you'll open your eyes
Thursday, June 21, 2007 | 9:05 AM
math tuition at 10.15 and i am just letting my brain take a break at this present moment.
i had a weird dream last night.
as usual.
i dreamt that my braces came out after brushing and i don't know how they came out but they did and i only realised after a while, and i had perfect straight teeth at the top but i still had bogays at the bottom.
and i dreamt i was offered a speciak one-week thingy to UNSW Science, and it would be during the week after midyrs which would clash with floorball
and i dreamt i was fergie and that i moved into some new neighbourhood where they hated me (fergie) and i caught someone stealing my stuff blah blah
and i was avoiding swamps.
and then i dreamt abigail (my niece) was eleven years old! she's only three now. and that she was wearing braces. basically i kinda dreamt alot of ppl were wearing braces.
and everything was just kinda surreal.
and i just wanted to say, that i believe, i believe i believe,
even though belief is not faith and belief is not trust,
i believe.
and i have faith.
Thursday, June 21, 2007 | 9:05 AM
math tuition at 10.15 and i am just letting my brain take a break at this present moment.
i had a weird dream last night.
as usual.
i dreamt that my braces came out after brushing and i don't know how they came out but they did and i only realised after a while, and i had perfect straight teeth at the top but i still had bogays at the bottom.
and i dreamt i was offered a speciak one-week thingy to UNSW Science, and it would be during the week after midyrs which would clash with floorball
and i dreamt i was fergie and that i moved into some new neighbourhood where they hated me (fergie) and i caught someone stealing my stuff blah blah
and i was avoiding swamps.
and then i dreamt abigail (my niece) was eleven years old! she's only three now. and that she was wearing braces. basically i kinda dreamt alot of ppl were wearing braces.
and everything was just kinda surreal.
and i just wanted to say, that i believe, i believe i believe,
even though belief is not faith and belief is not trust,
i believe.
and i have faith.
we want prenup we want prenup
Friday, June 15, 2007 | 9:11 PM
yeah.
to zamir: if you aint got no money TAKE your broke ass home
to zakir: if you got no money, go home
AHAHAHHAAH. okay
to jiaxin: X marks the spot :p
(i got problems up to here, i got people in my ear, telling me these crazy things that i don't wanna hear. F*CK Y'ALL)
9 days more.
teriyaki chicken burger sucks, so much skin and fat, tsk
but yay to shaker fries.
haha just now zakir called my HANDPHONE and said: hello?
so i said: hello?
and then he said: hello? can i speak to leanne please?
and i said: sorry wrong number.
and he said: oh sorry
and he put down the phone
AHAHAHAHHAHAHA
but it cant beat a few years ago
when this guy called my house and said: hello can i speak to blah blah
then i stoned for a while then said: errr.. wrong number
then he was like: huh..eh dont bluff leh. im jacob.
me: err. ya wrong number
jacob: ah.. okay. sorry bye
HAHA i think cos i sounded young (as in his age) and i stoned for abit so it was really suspicious. but i dont know why people keep calling my house number asking for cisco, like super irritating can.
it's something that you need to have
cos when she leave your ass
she gon' leave with half
Friday, June 15, 2007 | 9:11 PM
yeah.
to zamir: if you aint got no money TAKE your broke ass home
to zakir: if you got no money, go home
AHAHAHHAAH. okay
to jiaxin: X marks the spot :p
(i got problems up to here, i got people in my ear, telling me these crazy things that i don't wanna hear. F*CK Y'ALL)
9 days more.
teriyaki chicken burger sucks, so much skin and fat, tsk
but yay to shaker fries.
haha just now zakir called my HANDPHONE and said: hello?
so i said: hello?
and then he said: hello? can i speak to leanne please?
and i said: sorry wrong number.
and he said: oh sorry
and he put down the phone
AHAHAHAHHAHAHA
but it cant beat a few years ago
when this guy called my house and said: hello can i speak to blah blah
then i stoned for a while then said: errr.. wrong number
then he was like: huh..eh dont bluff leh. im jacob.
me: err. ya wrong number
jacob: ah.. okay. sorry bye
HAHA i think cos i sounded young (as in his age) and i stoned for abit so it was really suspicious. but i dont know why people keep calling my house number asking for cisco, like super irritating can.
it's something that you need to have
cos when she leave your ass
she gon' leave with half
gotta gotta be down because i want it all
Wednesday, June 13, 2007 | 4:22 PM
i am half rotting at home while there is training because i am friggin grounded.
sooo stupid, please.
i cannot stand it when someone gets on their high horse, especially spiritual.
and i cannot stand two-facedness.
and can someone please zap me and make me a study-robot?
cos i really really need to mug like there's no tomorrow
and i am failing terribly at being focused,
alliteration there, could have enhanced the alliteration with a certain f- word but no i will not.
self-control friends.
don't depress me for goodness sakes.
12 days to exams right?
i think, i should run away and live on a hill.
maybe i will come back when its all over.
oh and guess what,
last night while bending down to switch off a plug
i totally whammed my eye into the back of a chair
you know the part that sticks out,
let me tell you it hurt like crazy
and i mean, i really cannot comprehend my stupidness.
like, what is wrong with you leanne, wah lau.
so now one eye is slightly bigger, not really obvious but still,
hurts and there is a lump on my eyelid.
-.-, how about -.<
HAHAHAHAHHA
Wednesday, June 13, 2007 | 4:22 PM
i am half rotting at home while there is training because i am friggin grounded.
sooo stupid, please.
i cannot stand it when someone gets on their high horse, especially spiritual.
and i cannot stand two-facedness.
and can someone please zap me and make me a study-robot?
cos i really really need to mug like there's no tomorrow
and i am failing terribly at being focused,
alliteration there, could have enhanced the alliteration with a certain f- word but no i will not.
self-control friends.
don't depress me for goodness sakes.
12 days to exams right?
i think, i should run away and live on a hill.
maybe i will come back when its all over.
oh and guess what,
last night while bending down to switch off a plug
i totally whammed my eye into the back of a chair
you know the part that sticks out,
let me tell you it hurt like crazy
and i mean, i really cannot comprehend my stupidness.
like, what is wrong with you leanne, wah lau.
so now one eye is slightly bigger, not really obvious but still,
hurts and there is a lump on my eyelid.
-.-, how about -.<
HAHAHAHAHHA
tell me something good.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007 | 8:57 AM
i am wearing uncoordinated socks today, oh joy.
at 8.22am i got a msg saying coach will be late and will only come at 9.30
and im like. THANKS AH.
WAH LAU I COULD HAVE GONE HOME TO CHANGE MY SOCKS LA.
so apart from being connected to the world here in the art room
there is nothing much else to do because 25 minutes is too short a time to waste acrylic paint on.
dont i hate it when this happens.
but anyway, shrek 3 with wenwen at THE cathay. haha
i didnt love it but i liked it.
especially the high school bit, ya know, like, TOTALLY.
and i cant exactly see how they can continue with the storyline without being 'extra'
so yes. thats the end of shrek then.
soundtrack is cute
and GRAMOPHONE at Cathay is having a great sale!
so is like almost every shop in Singapore,
seriously need to go on a spree soon.
BRING IT ON MAN.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007 | 8:57 AM
i am wearing uncoordinated socks today, oh joy.
at 8.22am i got a msg saying coach will be late and will only come at 9.30
and im like. THANKS AH.
WAH LAU I COULD HAVE GONE HOME TO CHANGE MY SOCKS LA.
so apart from being connected to the world here in the art room
there is nothing much else to do because 25 minutes is too short a time to waste acrylic paint on.
dont i hate it when this happens.
but anyway, shrek 3 with wenwen at THE cathay. haha
i didnt love it but i liked it.
especially the high school bit, ya know, like, TOTALLY.
and i cant exactly see how they can continue with the storyline without being 'extra'
so yes. thats the end of shrek then.
soundtrack is cute
and GRAMOPHONE at Cathay is having a great sale!
so is like almost every shop in Singapore,
seriously need to go on a spree soon.
BRING IT ON MAN.
and everyone says
Thursday, June 07, 2007 | 11:06 AM
hello how is your revision.
i put this picture on my desktop:
haha you can 'kop' it if you want to you know, motivate yourself. helps that mika is totally cute.
anyway. training is now.. training, not some slack thingy that we waste time having. having a coach is really good, and now its gonna be 3 times a week with the coach. so. TIME MANAGEMENT IS EVERYTHING TOO.
yes. i am acutely aware of the consequences of screwing up this mid yrs and i am so not going to. but oh man. i don't know. why can't i LOVE studying. why dont i have this DRIVE to study and study and study all day? by the way my st teresa is coming along very very nicely and i am immensely proud of it (: although i couldnt follow the folds of the sculpture itself so i had to make up all the shit. which was sooo hard. i am nevertheless happy with my work so far. i'll just have to complete it even if it takes a thousand years. actually, no. cos i have a deadline but i cant spend my whole 'holiday' painting right!! remember. STUDYING IS EVERYTHING.
so good luck everyone, and remember one more thing,
life rocks a little,
sucks alot.
Boy you've dropped the biggest bomb on me.
If this was suicide then I'm sorry.
But you said you'd be the first to die.
I believed you and I don't know why.
Thursday, June 07, 2007 | 11:06 AM
hello how is your revision.
i put this picture on my desktop:
haha you can 'kop' it if you want to you know, motivate yourself. helps that mika is totally cute.anyway. training is now.. training, not some slack thingy that we waste time having. having a coach is really good, and now its gonna be 3 times a week with the coach. so. TIME MANAGEMENT IS EVERYTHING TOO.
yes. i am acutely aware of the consequences of screwing up this mid yrs and i am so not going to. but oh man. i don't know. why can't i LOVE studying. why dont i have this DRIVE to study and study and study all day? by the way my st teresa is coming along very very nicely and i am immensely proud of it (: although i couldnt follow the folds of the sculpture itself so i had to make up all the shit. which was sooo hard. i am nevertheless happy with my work so far. i'll just have to complete it even if it takes a thousand years. actually, no. cos i have a deadline but i cant spend my whole 'holiday' painting right!! remember. STUDYING IS EVERYTHING.
so good luck everyone, and remember one more thing,
life rocks a little,
sucks alot.
Boy you've dropped the biggest bomb on me.
If this was suicide then I'm sorry.
But you said you'd be the first to die.
I believed you and I don't know why.
too close for comfort now.
Friday, June 01, 2007 | 11:19 AM
long overdue pictures.
some random
Symphony Of Voices 07!
PRE BRACES!
Doing the Ugly Betty Impersonation- not ugly enough man i know
Friday, June 01, 2007 | 11:19 AM
long overdue pictures.
some random
Symphony Of Voices 07!
PRE BRACES!
Doing the Ugly Betty Impersonation- not ugly enough man i know
D FOR CATS!
| 10:02 AM
i am BACK from CLIC, and i found out on the last day it means Connecting Leaders In Camp!
sui la. haha
it was a very very good camp.
i took away alot of important stuff.
HOWEVER.
the food was errr.
and the lodging was OMG.
toilets were clean, as in not as gross as some
but the rooms.
were like. terrible.
my bed had MOULD, and my room mate melissa (HELLO MELLY!)
and i were sleeping on plastic bags.
we kept waking up in the middle of the night traumatised
like if our feet were touching the bed we'd be sooo grossed out.
i was in group 4, D for Cats.
sean, melly, nazri, zonghe, limin, stephanie, ian and freddie
and peiying was our facilitator.
and she was really good.
i think this yr the facis have set a real high standard.
the last day's final activity was some emo thing
LEARN TO SEPARATE THE EMOTION FROM THE DEVICES THAT CAUSE THE EMOTION PEOPLE!
if they switched off the music i swear there wouldnt be the same effect.
but oh well.
it was a meaningful activity all the same.
there are many many things that i learnt from the camp,
and one of the most important was to keep pushing yourself
even though you're tired you still need to tell yourself
ITS HIGH DAY MAN!
no stoning allowed.
i used my brain ALOT in the camp, never so much in any camp.
the trainers from eka training were good too.
so many games that we could learn from,
and we had to keep reminding ourselves about the previous debriefs
like what pointers we could learn from.
anddd i learnt that i am an INTJ
so basically im an introvert.
so amazing eh.
so true anyway, though i didnt know it before.
camps tire me out and these camps and whatnots overwhelm me sometimes
and i like to be alone after a long school day
which explains me not minding having anyone to go home with,
just walking the parkconnector route home with my earphones.
and ALSO explains the not liking to be in the same room as my parents while studying at night
so thats good that i understand why i am a certain way at certain times.
BUT the briggs-myers profiling is not meant to constrain or give excuses
so.
the best is yet to be.
haha okay that was random.
to school later!
to paint my saint teresa.
and then on to training at 4.
finally get to move my bum
after much sitting on the hard floor in CLIC
my bum really hurt man.
but anyway i would like to THANK all my grpmates
cos we had a great deal of fun!
and we all learnt stuff together and it wouldnt be the same without you all!
Let's gather round the campfire and sing our campfire song
the C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song
And if you dont think that we can sing it faster then youre wrong
but it would help if you just sing along
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song
And if you dont think that we can sing it faster then youre wrong
but it would help if you just sing along
it would help
it would help
if you just sing along
(:
| 10:02 AM
i am BACK from CLIC, and i found out on the last day it means Connecting Leaders In Camp!
sui la. haha
it was a very very good camp.
i took away alot of important stuff.
HOWEVER.
the food was errr.
and the lodging was OMG.
toilets were clean, as in not as gross as some
but the rooms.
were like. terrible.
my bed had MOULD, and my room mate melissa (HELLO MELLY!)
and i were sleeping on plastic bags.
we kept waking up in the middle of the night traumatised
like if our feet were touching the bed we'd be sooo grossed out.
i was in group 4, D for Cats.
sean, melly, nazri, zonghe, limin, stephanie, ian and freddie
and peiying was our facilitator.
and she was really good.
i think this yr the facis have set a real high standard.
the last day's final activity was some emo thing
LEARN TO SEPARATE THE EMOTION FROM THE DEVICES THAT CAUSE THE EMOTION PEOPLE!
if they switched off the music i swear there wouldnt be the same effect.
but oh well.
it was a meaningful activity all the same.
there are many many things that i learnt from the camp,
and one of the most important was to keep pushing yourself
even though you're tired you still need to tell yourself
ITS HIGH DAY MAN!
no stoning allowed.
i used my brain ALOT in the camp, never so much in any camp.
the trainers from eka training were good too.
so many games that we could learn from,
and we had to keep reminding ourselves about the previous debriefs
like what pointers we could learn from.
anddd i learnt that i am an INTJ
so basically im an introvert.
so amazing eh.
so true anyway, though i didnt know it before.
camps tire me out and these camps and whatnots overwhelm me sometimes
and i like to be alone after a long school day
which explains me not minding having anyone to go home with,
just walking the parkconnector route home with my earphones.
and ALSO explains the not liking to be in the same room as my parents while studying at night
so thats good that i understand why i am a certain way at certain times.
BUT the briggs-myers profiling is not meant to constrain or give excuses
so.
the best is yet to be.
haha okay that was random.
to school later!
to paint my saint teresa.
and then on to training at 4.
finally get to move my bum
after much sitting on the hard floor in CLIC
my bum really hurt man.
but anyway i would like to THANK all my grpmates
cos we had a great deal of fun!
and we all learnt stuff together and it wouldnt be the same without you all!
Let's gather round the campfire and sing our campfire song
the C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song
And if you dont think that we can sing it faster then youre wrong
but it would help if you just sing along
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song
And if you dont think that we can sing it faster then youre wrong
but it would help if you just sing along
it would help
it would help
if you just sing along
(:
